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The Power of Plan B
Co-parent conflict is often about parents feeling frustrated by their personal differences. Chances are those existed prior to the relationship break-up, but they become more prominent as you try to navigate those differences after divorce or separation. A parent might be chronically late for parenting time transitions, or won’t let your child do normal kid…
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Hate is a Learned Emotion
Kids who are neglected, abandoned, or abused by a parent have an array of emotions that they struggle with, including sadness, anger, disappointment, distrust, etc. But not hate. Hatred is a learned emotion, not a reactive one. Most kids who have strong feelings about how a parent has treated them will say that although they…
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Monitoring Parent/Child Phone Calls
A subject that comes up in many of my cases has to do with one parent requiring a child to put the phone on speaker mode when talking to their other parent. I can’t think of a more obvious way to put your child literally in the middle of the co-parent conflict. I have a…
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Kids Benefit from Different Parents
There is an almost universal concept in parenting. I say almost since there’s usually an exception to the rule, but I haven’t yet seen it. Whether different sex or same-sex couples, the assumption seems to hold — no two parents are alike. In my experience, parents seem to be attracted to one another in the…
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So Your Teen Doesn’t Want to Visit the Other Parent…
In Georgia, the law is written so that if a 14-year-old child desires to live primarily with one parent in a divorce case, that desire is honored unless a judge can find a reason why that choice is not in his/her best interests. It’s a little stickier if a 14-year-old declares he or she does…
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The phone! The phone!
One of the most contentious subjects I deal with when working with high-conflict parents is phone communication with the children. Calls to the children should be a pleasant experience for THEM – a reminder that both parents care – and should not put children in the center of the battle. Here are some rules I…
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The Simple Truths
I’ve been doing a lot of research lately to update my knowledge, as well as to enhance the required parenting classes we teach for the courts. I can report that no major changes have emerged since the last time I did this, but there are a couple of points worth reiterating that make a difference…
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Accusing and Defending Don’t Work!
Many co-parents think that they must defend themselves against the accusing words of their ex. When I ask a parent why they feel they have to respond to lies or accusations, they often say, “Because it’s not true!” That may be the case, however, it’s the defense that keeps the conflict alive. Our culture seems…
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Avoid Divorce Story-Telling with Your Kids
Elizabeth Loftus, a psychology and law professor at the University of Washington, has been researching the topic of memory since the 1970s. In talking about how selective memory is, Loftus says, “You remember things in selective ways so your memory conforms to how you wish the past was.” If that’s true, and we are trying to justify why…
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Court Order Discrepancies
Court orders for parenting plans often include vague concepts and confusing or contradictory information that can create conflict, even though they are designed to reduce it. As a result, I hear way too many stories in which parents force their interpretation of the parenting plan by asserting their “legal rights.” Although I respect legal rights…
