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SHOULD YOU TAKE YOUR CO-PARENT CONFLICT TO COURT? MAYBE NOT.
Family courts are designed to settle legal matters concerning families when the families can’t settle them on their own. Settling is an interesting word. It does not mean in a way that satisfies everyone, nor does it mean fairness. I’ve been doing this work for decades, and I’ve never talked to a parent who took…
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Learning the Long Game
Parenting is hard. Co-parenting is harder. Either way, it’s not about absolutes and is definitely not black and white. It’s about a series of choices along a sometimes lonely road. Do I stop here and rest or do I act swiftly? Which action benefits my child in the present versus what impacts her future? How…
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THE MAGIC OF SUMMERTIME
Summer is here. I would like to challenge all co-parents this year to develop a new way of thinking about their children during this special time. We all have our own stories of the magic of summer during our childhoods. Some of you had great family vacations and family connections, and others had difficult families,…
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The Tit for Tat Trap
For some reason, I have had many parents express lately that they are frustrated with how much their co-parent refuses to be civil, or flexible, or the least bit compassionate. That frustration is usually followed by a statement like, “I do everything I can to show [him/her] that I want to work together. I even…
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FIVE CHARACTERISTICS OF A “GOOD CO-PARENT”
The meaning of word “co-parent” is elusive enough, but when you qualify it with “good,” it’s nearly undefinable. I liken it to the polarization we are now experiencing in our current political environment. Is there anyone in the middle these days? That’s how it feels to work with co-parents in conflict. Their ideas of how…
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THE POWER OF PREDICTABILITY
I am busier now than ever before with new clients seeking help with anxiety issues due to unpredictability. But there is a natural level of unpredictability with co-parents in conflict that adds an additional layer of stress to these families. In our Advanced workshop for high-conflict parents, we try to teach participants how to maintain…
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Three Invaluable Co-Parent Phrases
One of the most common mistakes co-parents in conflict make is using their communication with one another to document and build a case for the future. For example, “Dear John, you obviously don’t care about the children because you refused to switch weekends with me.” Or, “Dear Jane, I noticed that you did not attend…
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DISTORTED THINKING DURING COVID
Now, more than ever in our history, there is a great need for everyone to view circumstances through a complex lens and provide grace to one another by giving the benefit of the doubt, rather than rush to judgment. Unfortunately, our social context and media culture is not promoting this attitude. As a result, I…
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Why can’t he just be normal?
I recently had a mom walk into my office and she plopped down on my couch and began sobbing. When she was able to talk, she kept repeating, “Why, why, why, why?” I finally got her calmed down and asked her to tell me what was going on. Her response was not remarkable, shocking, or…
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Co-Parent Tip of the Month: Kids Want to Matter
I witnessed an amazing transformation recently in my practice that made me think how simply kids see their parents. I also viewed a short film called Talk to Strangers (https://childcustodyfilm.com/custody-film/) that reinforced a lot of what I had just experienced. In the final scene of the film, you see the children walking away from the…
