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Cut It Out! Radical Resistance in Family Litigation
For the last three decades, I have worked in the field of high-conflict divorce, mostly as a therapist and parenting coordinator, and often as an advocate. I calculated once that I had been in front of more than 50,000 parents when I taught the court-ordered divorcing parents seminar for 18 years. I have mediated over…
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UNPACKING PARENTAL ALIENATION WITH CHILDREN IN MIND
The feelings of children needing to split their loyalties with their parents may begin during the parents’ relationship or marriage.
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SHOULD YOU TAKE YOUR CO-PARENT CONFLICT TO COURT? MAYBE NOT.
Family courts are designed to settle legal matters concerning families when the families can’t settle them on their own. Settling is an interesting word. It does not mean in a way that satisfies everyone, nor does it mean fairness. I’ve been doing this work for decades, and I’ve never talked to a parent who took…
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Are Co-Parents Teaching Resilience?
As more and more children experience high-conflict co-parenting, they not only get caught in the middle of conflict, but also in the middle of coddling. Why are high-conflict co-parents prone to coddling their children? Because they fear not being the preferred parent. They honestly fear losing their children to the wiles and ways of the…
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Learning the Long Game
Parenting is hard. Co-parenting is harder. Either way, it’s not about absolutes and is definitely not black and white. It’s about a series of choices along a sometimes lonely road. Do I stop here and rest or do I act swiftly? Which action benefits my child in the present versus what impacts her future? How…
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The Tit for Tat Trap
For some reason, I have had many parents express lately that they are frustrated with how much their co-parent refuses to be civil, or flexible, or the least bit compassionate. That frustration is usually followed by a statement like, “I do everything I can to show [him/her] that I want to work together. I even…
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FIVE CHARACTERISTICS OF A “GOOD CO-PARENT”
The meaning of word “co-parent” is elusive enough, but when you qualify it with “good,” it’s nearly undefinable. I liken it to the polarization we are now experiencing in our current political environment. Is there anyone in the middle these days? That’s how it feels to work with co-parents in conflict. Their ideas of how…
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THE POWER OF PREDICTABILITY
I am busier now than ever before with new clients seeking help with anxiety issues due to unpredictability. But there is a natural level of unpredictability with co-parents in conflict that adds an additional layer of stress to these families. In our Advanced workshop for high-conflict parents, we try to teach participants how to maintain…
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Three Invaluable Co-Parent Phrases
One of the most common mistakes co-parents in conflict make is using their communication with one another to document and build a case for the future. For example, “Dear John, you obviously don’t care about the children because you refused to switch weekends with me.” Or, “Dear Jane, I noticed that you did not attend…
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DISTORTED THINKING DURING COVID
Now, more than ever in our history, there is a great need for everyone to view circumstances through a complex lens and provide grace to one another by giving the benefit of the doubt, rather than rush to judgment. Unfortunately, our social context and media culture is not promoting this attitude. As a result, I…
