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Hate is a Learned Emotion
Kids who are neglected, abandoned, or abused by a parent have an array of emotions that they struggle with, including sadness, anger, disappointment, distrust, etc. But not hate. Hatred is a learned emotion, not a reactive one. Most kids who have strong feelings about how a parent has treated them will say that although they…
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Accusing and Defending Don’t Work!
Many co-parents think that they must defend themselves against the accusing words of their ex. When I ask a parent why they feel they have to respond to lies or accusations, they often say, “Because it’s not true!” That may be the case, however, it’s the defense that keeps the conflict alive. Our culture seems…
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Avoid Divorce Story-Telling with Your Kids
Elizabeth Loftus, a psychology and law professor at the University of Washington, has been researching the topic of memory since the 1970s. In talking about how selective memory is, Loftus says, “You remember things in selective ways so your memory conforms to how you wish the past was.” If that’s true, and we are trying to justify why…
